Giving Thanks

"a lovely sight to behold"

For flowers that bloom about our feet;

For tender grass, so fresh, so sweet;

For song of bird, and hum of bee;

For all things fair we hear or see,

Father in heaven, we thank Thee!

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

i thank my God for the sunshine and the rain,

for letting me experience both joy and pain,

blessing me with family and friends

giving me strength and encouragements

to relish all my days

and to continue finding

the essence of my being

Yellow Tulip

"yellow tulip thrilling me"

If you've never been thrilled to the very edges of your soul by a flower in spring bloom, maybe your soul has never been in bloom.

~Audra Foveo

On Pain

"where the road meets the sea"

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful.

But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”
-Paulo Coelho

Sweet November

orange and pink tulips, photo by Primo

refreshing fountain in NYC, photo by Minnie

orange and yellow Hibiscus at the park, photo by orange tulip

This month is special to me because

its my birth month
the month meant to remember those who have departed this world
every first Tuesday of the month is the celebrated Melbourne Cup in Victoria, Australia
its when the Remembrance Day is celebrated, to remember the fallen heroes of war
its when annual thanksgiving day is celebrated in the United States
the Presidential Elections in the United States is scheduled in November




and many momentous events i cannot yet remember!

Since i am on a holiday, i have selected few excerpts from all my writings since i started blogging in May. At last, a person supposedly private like me has gathered the courage to express my opinions and sentiments. I have also shared my favourite photos.

Here are the excerpts from reckons of spring:
orange tulip
Thanks very much my dear orange tulip and to the people who has been, in certain seasons- became a tulip in my life. Every smile, hug, kiss, pat on the back or simply saying "hello", "take care" and "God bless" have cheered me up in many ways, especially during those times when the sun does not seem to shine in my own world.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/05/orange-tulip.html


Memories
I miss the people who made me cry, those who listened and comforted me. Collectively, their memories make me happy. I cannot assert myself though, if these (and other memories i cannot yet share) and the people that i met along the way has made me a worse or a better person. However, i am thankful because they have helped me to become a totally different person- from the way i was.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/05/memories.html

Saying Goodbyes
Saying goodbye surely brings pain and loss- the degree of which depends on how such person have touched our lives. It is a very difficult thing to say and do but doing so trancends to peace of mind(no regrets or few regrets maybe) and it is like unloading a heavy luggage to make our travel easier. I have always struggled to say my own goodbyes, whether it may be the " temporary" or "permanent" ones. Yet i discovered that doing so, has always been-a liberating experience.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/05/saying-goodbyes.html






If
He has been very patient in writing mails, sending birthday cards by post, all of which expressing his deep love and his hopes and dreams for me. He does the same to my siblings too. Studying away from home, his long letters(and a few lines from mom's) has inspired me a lot "to keep going when the going gets tough". But the most precious and unforgetable letter i still keep up to now and reread from time to time was his first letter sent on the first month of my overseas studies. It made me cry with joy. He said "My beloved daughter, thank you so much for making me a very happy and proud father all these years".
If I have made him (and hopefully still do) a happy and a proud father- then probably I am a Woman- his daughter!
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/06/fathers-day-tribute.html

The Bridges of Madison Country
This is the reason why, upon reading the novel, Bridges of Madison Country, i dont cry anymore but smile and remember the City of Melbourne. Some things are not meant to last but sometimes chance although short encounters can change someone's life- if one takes the courage to take risks. My own experience has taught me not to live in the past and find fulfillment in the present. Moreover, it really showed me that true to its use, bridges connects roads-either in the country or in the city. I also realised that just like its intended use as an infrastructure, a bridge connects people's lives- in any way possible. And the memories of these bridges where i had been, makes me happy- even for a moment.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/06/bridges-of-madison.html

The Princess of the Stars Tragedy

I can go on and on, writing anything in this blog implicating anybody that I think should be responsible for this tragedy but I opt to stop to make my point. My previous arguments will point out that, the sinking of the M/V Princess is clearly, "an act of man." This does not necessarily mean that the sole responsibility lies on the “ master” alone as the Sulpicio Lines has tried to insinuate during that press conference but a combination of lack of capacity, lacking resources to operate fully, moral/ personal values of the concerned, social and political will on the part of the Sulpicio lines, the shipping industry and the concerned government authorities towards safeguarding the lives and property as the utmost concern when natural calamity like the typhoon enters the Philippine area of responsibility.

But we should not end up finger pointing those who we think are responsible or exonerating those who are not culpable in the tragedy. If we failed to learn our lessons in the past then probably we have to learn the lessons and do something about it. This asks for a closer look in the maritime laws, the implementation of these laws, continued or stronger fight against corruption and strengthening the capabilities of each government agencies like the weather forecasting agency and the coast guards and making the shipping industry more socially responsible. Together, we should work in order that no similar tragedy would happen again in the future.

And I wish that the lives of those who perished in this tragedy will not be treated as mere statistics.

I just hope that no similar tragedy of bigger or lesser extent would happen in the future. This also comes with the wish of not seeing this lady executive from Sulpicio Lines again on another press conference about another ship from their fleet. It’s sad that the shipping company can blame the weather, even God probably, the government agencies tasked to implement maritime laws but they at all cost would not admit that part of it, they are at fault over such fortuitous event.

I pray that the lady who had the courage to speak out her anger, agony and grief would in time, accept the circumstances no matter how hard it would be, find healing and move on with her life. And may all those survivors of the remaining 800 or so fatalities find solace in their terrible pains and searing losses.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/06/greed-and-princess-of-stars-tragedy.html

Baragatan Festival 2008
For a first-timer like me,"Baragatan" is successful to its superlative. True to its meaning, i came- and met them up- the beautiful place, its very warm people on a cold weather, and the exotic culture, all in one memourable night. Some people can never be lucky as i am. I look forward towards celebrating the future Baragatan festivals with them.

And next time, i will not forget to bring my friends, my camera and a big dinner plate.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/06/baragatan-festival-of-puerto-princesa.html

Peace
Not so long ago, in a world where happiness is usually equated with having achieved or acquired something, i have always argued that happiness is simply being content for who you are, where you are and who you are with. Yet i found out that still, outside circumstances and significant others, can still affect one's happiness. After several heart wrenching episodes in my life, i have realised that the road to inner peace resulting to inner happiness is simply being content-regardless.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/07/peace.html

Cure
" Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot cure"from the Hymn, Come Ye Disconsolate, Words by Thomas Moore 1816, Alt. Thomas Hastings 1831, Music by Samuel Webbe Sr. 1792

I was intensely affected by what seemed to be endless natural calamities bringing human sufferings to Myanmar, China and the Philippines. Every news of pain, of anguish, of losses has in one way or another caused me to feel bad about what's happening. Will these series human sufferings end? When?

Singing this hymn while attending the service in my favourite cathedral has gave me the answer. Yes, earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot cure- if we do not falter to believe.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/07/cure.html

Le but ultime de la vie
" The ultimate point of life is joy"
" Le but ultime de la vie c'est la joie"

Joy is just a three letter word but its meaning varies between individuals depending on their background or personal circumstances. Yet i reckon that no words can suffice to define or describe joy- it is just felt in the heart, maybe for a simple, huge, or probably for no reason at all. It might be a thrill of feeling in love transcending to joy. I also reckon that it is like an oasis in the desert bringing comfort to a weary traveller if he/she is lucky enough to discover but it is always there. Just like the oasis waiting to be discovered, joy is just inside our hearts. Outward circumstances might bring us disappointments, pain, or grief but if we truly find ways to rediscover, joy is just there within us.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/07/joy_23.html

A Park To Remember
Arguably, art should be a tool or an essence that can build bridges putting people together in appreciation and enjoyment, regardless of their background, status or personal beliefs and values.

That experience a year ago led to a reminder that i have to take care of myself the foremost, simply because i deserve it. I ceased to find fulfillment in seeing to it that someone's wishes would come true regardless of the inconveniences that would cost me. It beckoned to me that i am an individual with own wishes wanting to be fulfilled. Clearly, i am capable of making my own dreams and making them come true. Most importantly, i should be attending to my own concerns, and i reminded myself that i definitely know how to choose and fight my own battles.

Few days back, an author of an article made suggestions on having a happy life. Number one on his list was to de-blog (yes, to delete the blog) that brings sad memories. On the contrary, here i am blogging about not necessarily sad but sappy(sad and happy) memories. Yet expressing my opinions and sentiments just like what i did to very few trusted friends few days after the experience has not only helped me to cope, but found it pretty much liberating. And talking about any disappointment or pain a year after such experience-is a completion for the healing process, and makes moving on a lot easier and swifter.

I wish the park and its owner well, but as i have opted to be a humanitarian it will remain in my heart- a park to remember.

And to remember i always will, for reasons i have said and left unsaid.

http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/07/park-to-remember.html

Taking Risks
One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.--Andre Gide
I have not learned my lessons over past failures and losses really well. When does a risk become worth taking? How would i know if it is best to just walk away from foreseen losses? Can possible losses really be foreseen? What if foresight have its own lapses and turns otherwise?

I reckon i have to lose sight of the shore for a longer time.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/08/taking-risks.html

A Cry for Peace in Mindanao
As a global citizen i join the world and the Philippines in its cry for peace, foremost of which is its war-torn Mindanao.

While many of the politicians and top government officials based in Manila are busy in expressing their contrasting opinions about the issues related to the "ancestral domain", i wonder how the displaced locales of North Cotabato and neighbouring provinces are faring. Do they have any food to ease their hunger? Do they have any medicine or medical attention to ease their pains? Can they ever sleep amidst the horror of the ongoing circumstances, or to simplify my question, can they find a shelter, no matter how temporary it is- for a night's sleep? I have cried all throughout the film "Bagong Buwan'(New Moon) showing a glimpse of the sufferings in Mindanao but i can hardly bear to see these people's sufferings in reality.
And deep in my heart, i continuously cry for peace not only in Mindanao, but throughout the world and deep in the hearts of mankind. And i hope that this word "peace" goes beyond rhetorics.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/08/cry-for-peace-in-mindanao.html






Continuing Cry for Peace in Mindanao
Yet i continue to cry for peace in Mindanao for many huge reasons the foremost of which is my undying love for this place and its people where i belong. Yes, Mindanao will always be the first in my heart wherever my fate and faith would bring me- for this is the place where i first saw the rays of the sun and the sparkle of the stars and the beauty of the moon. This is the place of my birth.
http://http//reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/08/continuing-cry-for-peace-in-mindanao.html

Child's World
“ Am I still in the child’s world where candy stands for anything sweet enough to hold back tears? “-V.C. Andrews
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/08/childs-world.html

Something Precious
“ Sometimes when you lose something precious,
you’re not really losing it;
you’re just passing it on
to someone else”
– Mitch Albom
(Tuesdays with Morrie)
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/08/something-precious.html

Silent Odyssey: The Right to be Heard
The very unforgettable moments of kindness that stayed in my heart are from strangers. First was when a total stranger in a foreign land tapped my shoulder to give some tissue paper before getting off the tram because I was endlessly crying from the time I boarded the tram. Second, was another (then stranger) surprisingly tapped my shoulder around a couple of hours past midnight to say goodnight after a long, tiring and disappointing day in an island (this surprised me i never had the chance to respond to this kind gesture). Third, was when another ( then stranger) let me cry out in her shoulder over a very painful experience after a friendly altercation which i opted to forget. When I remember the faces of these people, i can’t help but smile- as their acts of kindness linger in my heart.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/09/silent-odyssey-right-to-be-heard.html

Wall Street and Uncertainty
Given the uncertainty of the times, where organisations, financial institutions and relationships fail - or maybe fail us, one should put hope and trust somewhere else. Most importantly he stressed, one should put his trust to someone else. And who is that someone else? Someone of greater authority than any royalty or any political stature and could take control of everything- a Divine Providence and since that was a Christian station, to Christians, its trusting Jesus. The speaker then went on saying the reasons why we- should put our trust to Jesus and ending it with a lovely song " Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus". I was convinced and comforted.

Indeed, in these times of uncertainty and even during happier times, i reckon that it is not only advisable but essential for us to put our trust to the Divine Providence. For me, its trusting the " author and finisher of our faith". Personally, i have stopped asking so many questions why all things( and this is not limited to personal and emotional issues) should happen that way and learned albeit difficult or seemingly unbearable to " live with it" and move on simply because i have to.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/10/wall-street-and-uncertainty.html

A River Runs Through It
And after watching the film, " A River Runs Through It" getting thrilled everytime Bradd Pitt smiles as Paul and enjoying the countryside landscapes, the beautiful sound of running waters and refreshing sight of the river- i have learned very important things: to find strength in what remains behind, to have faith that looks through death and to love completely-without complete understanding.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/10/river-runs-through-it.html

Simplicity
Truly, the universal elements are enough to make someone with simple joys wishing to live a simple life, happy. I have been thrilled by the sight of the stars at night most especially when i am in the countryside. I have been most thrilled( and continues to be thrilled) by the sight of the moon especially when it is full.
Yet nothing compares to the joy of simply enjoying these universal elements by myself, alone in the farm or alone in the beach. These are the moments where i can thank the Creator of all things and giving me the gift of life to enjoy His creations, and feel the joy of being loved too much.
http://reckonsofspring.blogspot.com/2008/10/simplicity.html

Blogging is healing! More will be will be coming up- hopefully. Meantime, thanks for dropping by. Enjoy the Sweet November!

Counting My Blessings

chocolates that i would love to have, photo by orange tulip

Anthurium i call it heart flower) planted for me, photo by orange tulip

a fountain and flowers, photo by orange tulip

"flowers as birds"-free to be beautiful, photo by Primo

one of my favourite winter photos, "birds and posies", photo by Darwin

Count your blessings, Name them one by one

Count your blessings, See what God has done

Count your blessings, Name them one by one

Count your many blessings, See what God has done

- Words by Johnson Oatman, 1897

(From the Hymn, Count your Blessings)

http://www.the-synergy.com/lyrics/cntbless.html

I have prearranged that this blog would be posted on my birthday. I have planned to be away on a holiday to relish the sun, sand and the sea. I am alive, have lived and let live. And i continue to be. I celebrate my life with thanksgiving and is thankful for people who remembered to celebrate it with me.

Today is my day and I am celebrating my very existence. I want to celebrate quietly as I have done mostly in the past, communing with nature and God, the Creator and giver of my life thanking Him for adding up another year, let alone another day in my life. Somehow I have been a survivor of sorts- yet I consider myself to be a winner in this life’s struggles. Life on earth is indeed very challenging and as humans we are given the free will on how to live it. Arguably, the adage “ Life is what we make it” is true, because we are given choices no matter what circumstances may come. I have chosen to live my life the way I exactly want it even if some, out of their love and concern encourage me to do something else or go somewhere else.. I take also this time to count my blessings and pretty much, counting is endless because in many ways, I am immensely blessed.

I am Loved
I am too much loved. I count it a great blessing having people remembering me today, and in their thoughts and in their hearts, are wishing me well. Mother said that as the first girl in a clan where majority are males, I brought a different excitement from that of my oldest brother, the first grandchild. Accordingly, my mother would wake up most mornings finding out that I am no longer beside her. My crib was almost unused because my dad and his brothers would take turns in carrying me and his sisters would always love to see how I smiled, which happened too often. However, my grandfather and grandmother were the “first priority” to have a chance to “babysit” me.

Yet I am not loved less in my mother’s family. They were quite amazed seeing a baby “flirting” early, smiling more often and laughing loudly than the other babies that they have previously taken cared of. Given my positive and negative traits then, I grew up to be almost everybody’s favourite in both clans. My brothers have enjoyed taking care of me(up to now) and my sisters have always enjoyed giving way to my whims and caprices ( yes, even until now). My parents have been and still are very supportive of my endeavours and plans. Most of the time, while I am still conceptualizing anything that comes to my mind, they pray over it – something that I found myself remiss at times. Yet I have always gathered the courage to go to any venture that I want to take because deep within, I am confident that there are people who conscientiously and regularly pray for me- the foremost of whom are my loving parents.

I have few but valuable friends
Over time, I have gathered not too many but few valuable friends who have loved me at all times. Surely they have been always willing to be there for me no matter what and has learned to love me in spite/despite of. There are times that I am very talkative and irritable or too excited and surprisingly quiet yet they have learned to deal with me with tons of patience and somehow has found the entertainment value of my odd behaviour.

My friendship with the “four seasons” have taken me "leaps and bounds". Achievers themselves in their own crafts, they have taught me a lot, always wished me well and encouraged me to be the best that I could be. I have the “Cuties”, whom I immensely miss, who nurtured me in Melbourne and sweetly named me “ Cutie” themselves with Mummy Hen taking extra care of me like her very own family. Then came the "Happy Club" whose idea of happiness is simply spending time together over movies and foods of various kinds. My old friends have stayed with me, not necessarily geographically but in many ways, emotionally.

I have friends near and far- whom I have known in various seasons and situations throughout the years who remained friends as they had been despite years or months of no regular communication at all. I have tried to name them, but in the end opted to make them unnamed in this post lest I forget some and with due respect to their privacy. But all their names and faces are kept inside my heart. Each friend has come at various times and different situations-- to offer an encouraging word, maybe to help me or save me from harm or further harm, listen to me, converse with me, share my confusion, grief and joy, travel with me, or maybe meeting them at odd or difficult or surprising situations, or simply being there for me for some huge, small or no reason at all. They have been in some ways, sent like an angel to me, making my travel on this world fun, enjoyable and meaningful.

I grew up singing with a church choir everywhere the family or I go and somehow this has helped me to shape my identity and moral fiber thus keeping me grounded me everywhere I go. I have always enjoyed activities with them beyond singing. I have met and cherished friendship with my choir mates simply because we share the same interests, and we share the faith that we both believe in. Although my other friends outside choir find this situation “very much sheltered” I have enjoyed spending time with them beyond rehearsals simply because we are similar in many ways thus can easily understand each other despite our individual differences. I never enjoyed attending bible studies in church but I see it a point not to miss a choral rehearsal because it is a continuous learning experience about teamwork, relationships and the “encouragement sessions” prior to rehearsals has been really helpful to my spiritual growth. This is also where I have most of my early social activities and where the idea of having fun is I am most comfortable with.

My housemates has been huge blessings too-- they are my family away from home doubling as friends. Staying in a dormitory, a house, a flat or an apartment with them have given me the art of making adjustments and the skill of living in harmony which has now become a part of my lifestyle. I have learned a lot from my differences and similarities with the girls (I still have to experience having guys as housemates for at least four months) I have shared my life with. Most of the time, while away from home, they are like pillows cushioning me from further pains and difficulties that life’s realities may bring. I continue to appreciate their patience in listening to my diverse stories (no matter how disinterested they could probably be), interests, opinions and sentiments about anybody and anything no matter how mundane it could be. On a very tiring day a simple smile or a warm hello from them or simply their presence has always been heartwarming.

I have worked in few organizations with varied working environment both in formal and non-formal setting, and in the process I have learned to complement with my workmates in any way I could. Working in special projects, planning and process audit has been very fulfilling with the opportunity of meeting various individuals and organizations and learning from them along the way. I always look back with pride as I remember that the arguably top corporation in the country has requested me to file my application with them(as my name was obtained from the university where I graduated from). I was young and had the yearning for a carefree life and had a different perspective of being happy then, so when I was given a huge responsibility believing in my capacities and capabilities I quit thirty days after such “promotion” more than a year of employment. It was a big decision and very odd at that, surprising the management but not my friends and for quite a time gave me the feeling of remorse. Yet I was up for something so I have chosen not to look back. Each decision and action are bound with consequences and I have learned them in the process quickly, albeit the hard way.

Working with the government, giving me the chance to meet and learn from all sectors of the society has been very fulfilling. There were a lot of disenchantment and frustration over management actions and decisions that I have witnessed- some of which were practically appalling but I have learned to be more understanding, perhaps forgiving and in time, I have learned to live with while still inside the organization.If there is one thing that I can cherish in my memourable experience with working in this organization- it’s the feeling of being much loved and accepted for who I am and could be. My workmates were a witness to my numerous opinions about some decisions I think otherwise, or about other people’s very proud behaviour and actions, yet they listened with interest and sometimes were just entertained by my musings about something that I think are excesses. Nevertheless they remind me to be quiet when I have to and behave well when I was not behaving as expected or required of me. In this workplace, I have been treated like a family- their own sister or daughter or cousin may be, to which I am much grateful.

When I am studying overseas, I was also privileged to work in a policy making body working with the federal government where I did lots of research work discovering a lot of new ideas and meeting many people in various sectors along the way. I have enjoyed the highly egalitarian working environment where the top executive would not mind bringing out the trash bin if she thinks it has to be done. Because of this job, I was able to attend parliamentary sessions, conventions business lunch and dinners and the honour of being invited for dinner at the home of my CEO along with few chosen employees on some important occasions. Even as I started as an intern, I was treated really well-pretty much a part of the workforce. And on my last day, after doing my tasks of reading, analysis and writing policy recommendations, busy people in that workplace have taken time to have coffee and cake with me in the conference room, appreciate how I have worked with them and wished me well.

On the other end, as a fashion sales assistant, I have enjoyed dressing up like the mannequin in the fashion specialty store for tourists and had fun assisting people as they fit various clothes, and arranging these clothes on display when no customer is around, or simply writing the prices, or how much discount would be given to a certain item. What I remember the most was my colleagues, very pretty girls in their own right, take turns in bringing extra sandwich for me, knowing that I am only employed part-time as a full-time student. And I relish having lunch in the park close to the store while watching people do their own thing, and have coffee with colleagues some Fridays.

I Can Elicit Stimulus

I am capable to elicit stimulus both positive and negative whatever I do and whichever I go. I have met people who smile back at me when I smile at them-including strangers, some laugh at my jokes no matter how corny they could be. I like it much when someone gives me a task to do or a responsibility to handle- big or small as this means I am entrusted with such. On the opposite, few people dislike me which is really not surprising at all given our human nature. I have always been a non-conformist, and I have always been comfortable as an “artist-in the making” in the company of intellectuals, achievers, the organized (obsessive -compulsive to some).There were instances where some disliked me at first glance or have made a pre-conceived notion of who I am as a person at first meeting without the benefit of discovering who I am as a person( which in many ways is a person with contrasts). Later, they would apologise for judging me quickly because of how I dress, carry myself or because of expressing my liberated ideas comfortably. Some become my friends while others continue disliking me which did not bother me at all. In time, I have become comfortable in the idea that “You cannot please everybody.” And my presence, eliciting stimulus either negative or positive is better I think- than being unnoticed at all.

Free to be Me
I am free to be “me.” My principle in life is quite simple, I do things “ because I want to and do not do them because I do not want to.” New acquaintances have been surprised how I tried to adhere in this so called principle which in itself is not an easy task for me. Oftentimes, I have to deal with “compromise” especially in formal working situations which have made me uncomfortable and even unhappy.. And I am looking forward to the time that I will be “in control” by venturing in activities and businesses that I love to do and can implement my ideas which are oftentimes “outside the box” .

I am quite lucky to have a disciplinarian God fearing mother and a democratic father with liberated ideas who nurtured me to be “me”. As a child, I have shown peculiar behaviour compared to my brothers and my cousins whom I grew up with. Thus, bringing me up “properly” was a challenge to my parents. But my father has allowed me to express myself in many ways I have wanted- through music, performances and leaving me alone with various books instead of playing out in the sun with other children like my brothers did. Having a kid sister few years after was a breeze- my mother has probably become happier in having a daughter where she can do what she had ever wished for- dress her like a doll, bring her to parties, teach her to dance, sing, help her to cook, fix the household and accompany her in her numerous stint as a “flower girl”. I was happy to be left alone and to do what I really wanted. In essence, they have tolerated me to be “me.”

As an adult, my upbringing has permitted me to become comfortable in expressing my opinions, including unsolicited advices over something or anything just because I want to and not necessarily being asked for. So far, I have experienced a couple of verbal assaults in public simply because I have expressed my opinion to the dislike of those concerned. Of course it was not easy for me but I find solace in the thought that during those instances, I have friends who have defended me without me asking it who are and always willing to be there for me. The first experience four years ago was quite traumatic because it is close to a church and it came from someone I have treated as a sister or mother(and has led a bible study group which eventually discontinued). The second one happened months ago while accompanying a senior citizen to buy rice at a government retail establishment. I was expecting that the senior citizen would not undergo the regular “queue” as the others have been required to do. I was assaulted three times simply because I said that they have no humanitarian consideration at all over that incident. I did not dignify both by simply not retaliating at all. I was more concerned that if I did not express how I felt which led to the assaults I would feel bad forever. And those couple of experiences will not deter me from doing the same in the future.

I can express myself in creating stuff that I can do and venturing into activities that I love to dabble upon. At present, I have focused my interests in photography and writing although I am not making money out of them- suffice would be the personal fulfillment that I have in doing so. Blogging has in many ways liberated me further, allowing me to express my thoughts about something, someone or anything under the sun. In this modern world, I have still to learn the ways of chatting on line, joining social sites like Friendster, My Space, Facebook and Multiply where some of my friends enjoy much. I still have to learn the habit of reading my emails regularly and the courtesy to reply the emails that I receive from thoughtful friends near and far. I was somewhat wondering why I joined the blogging community after I sat down in a coffee shop to listen to the Penman himself, a Creative Writing Professor, a novelist and a blogger, showing me the excitement and joy and the vast possibilities of doing so. A lawyer friend who brought me over, said “ it is your thing” and I believed her because her blogs have inspired me to do so. And I discovered that two months after that session, being orange tulip in virtual community has been therapeutic for me somehow. I am now less talkative and I have discovered that I can write in various tones. When my former professor and a Palanca Literature judge at that, who became a great friend and a life adviser(she was my Speech Communication course adviser) read my post about” The Princess of the Stars Tragedy” she encouraged me the to write professionally. And i reckon- why not?

Visiting and Discovering Wonderful Places
I am too blessed to have the chance to visit wonderful places, explore the not much unknown, meet people (some become my friends) along the way, learning and immersing in various cultures and subcultures and simply enjoying the universal elements, particularly the water. Although my filmmaker/editor friend has told me that best moments are kept inside the heart, she encouraged me to do photography which I now enjoy very much.

Traveling and photography have helped me to cope with some pains, disappointments, failures and disenchantments over people and situations. Just like photography where the photographer can choose which part should be included, or which angle one would take to have a “beautiful photo”, in the “composition phase” I have learned to look at life in my own perspective. In essence, I have opted to look at the brighter and beautiful side of things, places, situations and people. Life is beautiful to those who choose to make their lives beautiful, no matter what perspective they take and I reckon that theres is no exception on this.

I am Still Alive
Because I am still alive, I can enjoy frolicking in the sand, watching the waves lap the shores in the beach, immerse myself in the water, alone or with company of few or many. I can walk the unexplored places and discover things that are probably extraordinary. I can wake up early in the morning to see the majestic sunrise and wait until I can watch the sunset in all its splendour. I can stay on at night to find out if there will be stars, or the moon would be shining a quarter, half or full or if the sky will be totally dark at all. And I sleep excitingly wondering what will tomorrow bring.

I can enjoy listening to the chirping of the birds, the innocent banter and laughter of my nephews and my niece, and the naughty, funny or intellectual conversations with my friends and loved ones. I can relish spending time with my family most specially to my ageing parents and relatives whenever I have the chance.

Because I am still alive, I can hope and dream for better or happier days ahead at the same time being simply happy with what I have, where I am and who I am with.
Because I am still alive, I can continue to struggle to make amends to those whom I have offended- intentionally or not, to ask forgiveness to those I have wronged and learn to give forgiveness to those who have wronged me realizing that we humans are imperfect no matter how “excellent” our upbringing was, or how well-educated or well-traveled we could ever be.

And remembering how I am loved and forgiven by the Giver of life, my Creator, I am reminded to be more compassionate, more forgiving, and more understanding towards my fellow human beings.

I am still alive because I still need to learn a lot- probably a lot of loving, a lot of forgiving and giving from my fellow transients in this world.

I am still alive because I have to continue finding the purpose of my creation and live for that purpose.

And I thank God for the many blessings I can hardly count.

Finding My Paradise

sunrise in Busuanga Island, Philippines

aerial shot of Club Paradise, Dimakya Island, Palawan, Philippines

aerial shot Busuanga Island, Palawan, Philippines

waiting for the sunset in Coron town, Busuanga, Palawan



approaching the Coron Town from a day of island hopping

Bonol Beach, Coron Islands, Palawan, Philippines

Kayangan lake,Coron Islands, Palawan, Philippines



all photos were taken by orange tulip on her first visit to Busunga and neighbouring islands in Palawan

“I do not seek. I find.”
-Pablo Picasso
(Spanish Artist and Painter. 1881-1973)

I am for Barack Obama

Obama with his maternal grandparents(photo courtesy of Obama Campaign)

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-obama-grandmaoct21,0,3939455.story

New York City, photo by Minnie


Source: http://www.thefantasyaddicts.com/

Tomorrow would be the most awaited elections in the United States of America. I have watched the process of selection for both the Republican and Democratic Party and followed them through watching the "presidential debates" albeit by television. I have shared the admiration that my Dad have for the former first lady of Bill Clinton, Hillary who became New York's senator and i have listened with awe how John McCain has been in the American politics, how he survived as a POW in Vietnam, his foreign policies and how he would steer America to a " change" but i had always rooted for Barack Obama.

Yes, i have always believed and still do and hope that after the conclusion of today's elections, Barack Obama will emerge as a victor and will be declared as the new President of the United States of America. There are various reasons why he should be elected but since i am writing in my blogspot, i am citing my personal reasons for choosing him over a senior with probably much wisdom and experience in the person of John McCain. I am really touched by his display of humanity when at the height of his campaign, he made a break to fly to his graveky ill grandmother. http://washingtontimes.com/.../obama-visits-grandmother-perhaps-for-last-time Reportedly, her grandmother Madelyn Dumham who raised her back in Hawaii was the only family left to him after reportedly losing her mom due to cancer. Spending around six hours with his grandma, sitting close to her and making few talks, he displayed such consciousness and concern to things that really matter beyond politics, foreign policies and the tumbling economy.

By this time, a lot has been said and done to ensure Obama's winning. Powell's endorsement, a staunch Republican supporter has reportedly gave his candidacy a big boost. Few days back, Bill Clinton, the Democratic that he is- buried the hatchet and accompanied Obama in the last leg of his campaign.

As i look at the pictures of Barack, and watch him in television in his campaigns to the presidential debate, i can't help but be awed by his charisma. Regardless of his colour which was undermined by the Republicans, His smiles seem to look sincere and so is his promise to America, the "mantra of change." In this times of difficulty and uncertainty, economic fall down which could probably turn like the Great Depression in the nation many years back, Barack brings with him hope- lots of hope for change and better days ahead.

And i do hope that he will make it as the first coloured and the forty fourth Presidentof the United States of America, and let change begin.

Remembering the Departed

orange marigold, irresistibly beautiful...

Today I take the time to remember my loved ones who have already departed in this world. My maternal grandmother who helped my mother in taking care of me as an infant passed away before I grew up big enough to remember her face. Her husband, my maternal grandfather died after a few months of being bedridden. Sadly, he died calling the name of my dad(arguably his favourite son-in-law) and my uncle(my mother’s kid sister) while my mom was in the school one morning to enroll us in primary school. After his burial, he appeared to my mother in a dream probably to say farewell.

Then a couple of uncles, my mother’s kid brothers who has lived their lives to the brim, singing and drinking to their hearts content while smoking with or without occasions did not reach advanced ages although they were able to build their families. Mother’s youngest brother died due to a lingering illness while I was miles away for my college education leaving my small cousins and his widow behind. My other uncle quietly passed away after supposedly recovering from a stroke and accordingly his very recent hospitalization. I was then on my second month in the big city when this happened and I was unable to attend his funeral.

A karate and judo enthusiast with shoulders arguably like Arnold Schwarzenegger due to his body building activities was the first to go among seven brothers( well, in their adult life because they lost an infant brother due to a congenital illness in a brood of eleven where father was the eldest) and three sisters. It was difficult for his parents because that was too sudden making my grandmother grieved too much wishing that she should have went ahead. My father has to make a quick trip to see his family and find out what happened. He was strong and just recently got married leaving no son nor daughter, and not even a pregnant (only a grief stricken wife ) when death snatched him away. It was quite unforgettable for us because we were busy preparing for my youngest sister’s birthday when the sad news came. Dad stayed for the birthday celebration but has to leave quickly the next day to bury his own brother miles away from him. We were still toddlers the last time he visited our farm house and he went fishing and hunting and made lots of friends in our neighbourhood. And he loved to pamper us. Although we visit my grandparents’ house during summer, uncle’s visit to us was unforgettable

On my third year in college, I lost a close friend to an accident. We are very fond of each other and since he is smaller than me I would call him( as all other friends call him “the youngest brother.”). He was born and raised in Palawan, that time was just a name of a place to me. I have seen his advocacy on environment and wildlife preservation back then being extremely active in his environmental organization. He has fondly told me stories about Palawan until the time that I asked him to bring me a token from Palawan when we parted ways for the school break. He came back with a bangle which was according to him, made of indigenous materials and crafted by the natives. I was so touched and wore that bangle proudly in school and during performances. It looked ordinary yet special and I have to keep my “Cleopatra bangles”( that;’s how my naughty male classmates in Chemistry calls them) away over this unique and lovely bangle from my “ kid brother” to which he became very proud and happy seeing me wearing it and promised to bring me more on the next semester. He did not live long to be able to come back the next semester. When classes has started I was bothered why I still haven’t seen him so I went to his dormitory and asked his close friends how he had been. In turn, I heard the sad news that he met an accident one evening and was pronounced “dead on arrival” in the hospital where he was brought. Until now I still keep that unique bangle from him- I do not wear it anymore though, for it brings sadness but it is well-kept in a souviner box where tokens from friends and loved ones are kept. From time to time I open it, wear the bangle for a minute or two and smile remembering our happy talks about where the bangle came from. More than a year ago I happened to visit Palawan and my own eyes have seen the paradise that he has been telling about. I saw lots of bangles for sale like what he thoughtfully gave me one semester in college but I never bought one. I wanted to keep only one bangle of the same kind- the one from my “ kid brother” which to date, is pretty special to me.

After three months on my first job, a very close friend from my theatre circle also died due to a vehicular accident while on the way home from a happy reunion with her high school friends. Her death has taught me a lot of lessons about life’s realities-- never to procrastinate and other tidbits in life but most importantly, the liberating experience of “ saying goodbye”.

Few years after, another friend never woke up from her comatose stage months after undergoing surgery for her brain cancer. I visited her in the hospital few days before she succumbed due to infection and it took weeks before I have forgiven myself believing that for touching her hand, talking and lingering in the ICU where she was confined, I might have brought her some virus that could have infected her. It was her mother who gave me relief saying that- the moment she decided to have her brain surgery for a chance to live, she was ready to lose her. She has been very special to me because our name almost sounded the same. I was there until her cremation and I just hugged her mom because I did not know what words to say to comfort her.

I was on a travel as part of a research work where I was actively involved when the news about my paternal grandmother reached me. She has finally given up after a long battle with colon cancer, a disease that also caused the death of her two sisters. I always remember her zest of life being a dancer and a popular lass in her youth, her love of finer things in life and smoking despite her health condition. I have stressed smoking as extraordinary in this family because non of his seven grown up sons, including my dad and even my brothers and cousins did not smoke but she did it with gusto. Truly, she loved and lived her life to the fullest. What is very memourable about the two of us was when her children(my uncles and aunts) prohibited her to smoke, she got too irritable and I intervened by telling them that she will die anyway so why stop her to enjoy a little while alive by allowing her at least to smoke? Knowing how naughty I could be as the first granddaughter in the clan, they gave in to my point which delighted my grandmother too much. I was unable to bury my grandmother but I loved remembering her as a woman who loved life, and truly lived to the fullest when she was alive.

Three years ago, it was the turn of my paternal grandfather to go home in his father’s house in heaven. Being a farmer and a gardener in addition to his numerous church-related activities has probably contributed a lot to his longevity. The last time I was with him along with my sister and cousins, he was enjoying the “rides” in a theme park and he had the time of his life. He had also lots of stories to tell about his travels and the people he met and yes, his wish for a second chance to love again which his children frowned upon. As the only family member vocal in allowing him to remarry a woman half of his age few years after my grandmother passed away, I got the irk of my relatives which did not bother me anyway. Seeing an ally in me, he loved telling stories how he and the girl met, how he beautified her garden in Guam while they were neighbours as an expression of his love and how he was taken cared of in return by the lady. I never had the chance to meet such lady but when I remember the glimmer in his eyes while telling stories about her, I know that he was in love-again. Grandfather’s demise was exceptionally painful for me because I was studying overseas thus was unable to see him both in his sick and death bed, and was absent in his funeral. It was unforgettable because I have to deal with my own grief and loss away from my family which felt the same. Besides, I was unable to find out if his second love has made it to his funeral.

A year ago was the death of our foster grandfather. He has treated my father like his own son and his children referred to him as their eldest brother. Before his death, his family was considering to replace the pacemaker in his heart but being very sick already, he refused another surgery. He was in and out of the hospital and even went overseas for treatment. Considered as one of the richest men in his village, talks spread that not even his vast wealth was able to stop him from imminent death( I heard the talks myself but painfully kept quiet, as I was then with my seven year old kid nephew). A man who has spent most of his time serving God, he had full knowledge that when his time comes it will. What is very remarkable about his death was, before breathing his last, he told his wife, our Grandma about the funeral service that he himself planned twenty years earlier. In that program he prepared twenty years back, he has explicitly identified the parts, the people that would participate. He has diligently chosen the songs to be sung, the singers to sing a particular song and even the ministers to do the funeral rites in church to his grave. Probably, he has acknowledged long ago that for us humans- death is inevitable and yes, that is the ultimate destiny of man on earth regardless of their race, citizenship, economic and social status, and even biological age.

A couple of weeks earlier was another demise which majority of those he left behind referred to as “ untimely”. He was a driver but I opt to remember him as a good cook and has been like a brother to me because of my closeness to her beloved. I do not know how to comfort his beloved so I just let her cry on my shoulder and cry with her too.

Their death is a constant reminder for me to appreciate each morning given to me everyday as I wake up alive. Second, I have realized that death is not really “untimely” as we humans look at it with the life expectancy age in mind. Arguably, when one has to leave this earth regardless of how- it is surely his or her appointed time no matter the gravity of pain or shock or grief it would bring to those left behind. Third, their faces might not be vividly remembered yet their kind deeds and unforgettable acts will remain in the hearts of those that they touched. Fourth, the only sure thing in this world is that- humans will eventually leave it when their appointed time comes . Fifth, they cannot bring any treasure nor material wealth that they have amassed to grave, except of course the material things that those left behind opted to bury him with.

Finally, remembering those departed ones gives me the zest to go on living no matter what. It also inspires me to try my very best to do a kind deed and unforgettable act so that when my time( hopefully when I am old and gray) to leave this world comes, i will be remembered by those I will leave behind.