If

...Happy Father's Day!

As a tribute to my beloved Dad and all others who has been and always like a father to me, i am using this poem If by Rudyard Kipling. As a child, i hardly understood what its meaning until Daddy patiently explained it to me.

IF
If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you

But make allowance for their doubting too,

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,

If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;

If all men count with you, but none too much,

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
--Rudyard Kipling

http://www.swarthmore.edu/~apreset1/docs/if.html

Being the first daughter(and granddaughter at my father's side), i was heavily pampered and has turned to be both "bitchy and sweet". My father is both strict and loving- we both fear and revere him and due to his being extra kind- we his children tried our best not to upset him in any way. Yet he is still forgiving and tolerant to our shortcomings. I gave him a few headaches, well fewer than what my brothers gave him- but i made him happy in some ways, especially when i achieve something remarkable at school or makes him proud as he watches me perform with my choir and dance troupe. He made enormous efforts to be in the audience, if my mom cannot make it- to cheer me even if i participate in a very simple "spelling bee contest" and would not emerge as a winner. He has been with me and my siblings in all the paths we wanted to take, whatever would that be. He tried all his might to give what we need and wanted to have in the soonest possible time. He wakes up at dawn to pray for all his children and his loved ones before jogging- and he still does it until today, probably with his grandchildren added in his list . It gives me great confidence to venture to anything i wish for- because i know someone is praying for me. During the time when "metrosexuals" are still taboo, he already was- he took care of himself until this day and he influenced us by his interests in various fragrances- saying that they make a person feel good. Coping with depression while studying overseas,buying fragrances has made me feel great. I have seen him work really hard to provide food for the table and to prepare us our own future through education. He showed us the difference between "wants" from "needs" and the patience to wait " when the right time arrives". Most importantly, he exemplified the importance of reading- he reads a lot up to now to keep himself abreast about the current social, political and economic situations. He never got mad nor upset when i wrote or drew something at his expensive book collections. Instead, he allowed me to browse, draw, color and read them even at an age that i can hardly understand the content of those books that he valued much.

He is very thoughtful and sweet. Everytime i am or my siblings go home he would try his best to cook a special meal for us. He has an eye for beauty as he immensely enjoyed photography- his kids as his favourite subjects in addition to land and seascapes. The most unforgettable childhood memories i have with him was travelling by boat, going to various places to deliver his goods and checking out various shops and restaurants. I saw the nurturing part of him when i was hospitalised for nearly a month at five, because my mom just gave birth to my first kid sister.

He has been very patient in writing mails, sending birthday cards by post, all of which expressing his deep love and his hopes and dreams for me. He does the same to my siblings too. Studying away from home, his long letters(and a few lines from mom's) has inspired me a lot "to keep going when the going gets tough". But the most precious and unforgetable letter i still keep up to now and reread from time to time was his first letter sent on the first month of my overseas studies. It made me cry with joy. He said "My beloved daughter, thank you so much for making me a very happy and proud father all these years".

If I have made him (and hopefully still do) a happy and a proud father- then probably I am a Woman- his daughter!