100th Post: Giving Thanks

" Sunrise: A New Day" photo by orange tulip

this is my 100th post in this blog which has been a therapy for me for the last couple of years. life has not been generally kind to me but after all that i went through, i am still up and standing tall. after all what happened to my family and close friends which at first i was unable to comprehend, life went on and yeah i am alive.

my brother just had his fourth major surgery a couple of days ago. advanced technology has somehow eliminated the physical pains of undergoing through the necessary procedure. his third major operation four months back took him ten hours, now its four hours and he came out of the recovery room weak but half conscious. listening to his voice telling me he is okay was- indeed, "priceless" i wanted to burst out in a song and weep with joy but i resolved to keep calm and gladly listened to his voice as he told me his fervent wish- not to undergo another operation again. i told him we can still be thankful because despite all the physical pains and emotional difficulties that he has endured as a part of his traumatic experience and consequently making life dysfunctional to his wife, children and family hardships in all aspects that we have to endure, he is still alive. it is a miracle giving him the chance to re-evaluate everything in his life and go back to the basics: discover what really matters, and realise that everything he has and still is- is due to God's abundant grace.

we do not have any idea how long will he stay in the hospital, how long will it take for him to physiologically function normally, how long before he himself would be emotionally healed from his total experience but we are full of hope that yes- he can through God's grace.

i am thankful to have prayerful parents who begins and ends their day asking God to pour out His grace to all their children. i am thankful for relatives and friends who in one way or another conveyed their concern to my brother and to us. i am thankful for my brother's wife who through it all, has been a pillar of strength for their little family. i am thankful for my kid sister who practically stopped her regular activities to devote her time and energy assisting my sister-in-law or taking good care of the patient herself - from the time my brother was bed-ridden, wheel chair bound, started using crutches and as he continues to undergo therapy for the possibility of walking again.

i thank God for the strength of character that He gave me- to encourage the discouraged to keep going no matter what- to make them smile when they all wanted to do was cry and to let them remember that sunsets are not signals to a day's end but for us to look forward for the next sunrise. and each sunrise is another chance to celebrate a day added up to each person's life on this world of mortals-where we are.

all through this time, i have discovered that "full surrender" is the beginning of freedom and " letting go and letting God" is not a sign of weakness but strength and trusting is not a passive but an active verb.

i thank God for the lessons that the circumstances has brought me. and i thank God for the sunrise and many more to come.

Wordless Saturday

"waves from the deep blue sea at noon " photo by orange tulip

Farewell Elvon

" a sight close to heaven: clouds from my window seat", photo by orange tulip

... and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord-forever
( Psalm 23)

-The Holy Scriptures

as i write this post i am trying to grasp the reason for the family tragedy. my brother escaped a near death experience three months ago when a trigger happy guy hit him thrice as he passed by(braving the rain and the darkness of the night) on his way to bring food supplies to a less fortunate friend. this happened while the authorities are busy implementing the "gun ban" due to the national elections. had it not been for a miracle, he should have been part of the statistics as the 30th casualty of the perpetrator.

as my brother is still in his hospital bed undergoing therapy hoping that he can walk again, and while waiting for the schedule of another operation for him to physiologically function normally, news came about the death of my cousin last night. interestingly, he is the only son of my father's younger brother. he is eighteen. he is on his way home from an out of town church organised youth convention aboard a van when the accident took place. while accordingly other passengers are in serious condition, he is the lone casualty.

ironically i just hosted an eighteenth"coming out" birthday party earlier this week. strangely, the motif chosen by the debutante were black and white. since it was the first time that i hosted such occasion with such colours, i insisted to have happy music to set a happy mood lest the guests may mistake the birthday party to be a funeral. majority, including me wore black. the flowers were all in white. more ironically, the news about my cousin's death was received by my eldest brother in his hospital bed, and my sister who is taking care of him sent me the sad news.

another brother immediately took a trip to the province to share the grief with my uncle and his family. i opted to stay where i am to make arrangements with the hope to be present at the funeral rites. another cousin was telling me that it is very sad beacuse elvon has to go first, at eighteen, and a very nice kid. i replied that nice or bad, rich or poor- mortals as we are, death is a sure destination we just don't know when and how. i tried to convince her that we have to be thankful because he was given eighteen years to live while some are "stillborn" or die as infants. he was a baby when his own mom passed away after a long and torturous bout with cancer. his dad, my uncle raised them as a widower and although he entertained possibilities of remarrying, he did not push through so he can focus taking care of his children. since my father has relocated, i had seen my cousins grow up very rarely. it has been eight long years since i last saw elvon on my last visit to my grandparents who were still alive then. time flies.

and the loss just sank in. a call from my brother made from his hospital bed minutes ago, worrying much about my grieving uncle despite his own concerns made me cry. and in my mind i am asking why must these tragedies happen to good people like my brother, my cousin and my uncle? i struggle to verbalise these questions.

remembering my conversations with a doctor who opted to stay in the academe, "everyone has his or her own time to leave this earth. its just a matter of when and how would this happen, mortals as we are" are source of strentgh. my college thesis turned to be my life adviser said it well-"there is nothing that we can do about it now. God took him because he has a purpose that we may not be aware as of now. you have to be at peace with God's decision."

my cousin has to go because his time was up. as humans, we look at eighteen years biologically as very short span for a lifetime. yet for someone who grew up with much love for God in his heart, elvon's life has been a full life and coming from a church activity, his sure destination is in heaven. and i reckon how painful it might have been for my uncle and his sisters and to the family- elvon has to go. as we celebrate mother's day on earth, elvon's mom who had been alone in heaven for the past seventeen years, have his only son to kiss and hug. for the baby that she left behind in this earth when she succumbed to cancer has grown up to be a fine, talented and handsome young man. he is eighteen.

elvon and aunt ellen shall dwell in the house of the Lord-forever.

i find comfort in that thought.