Remembering the Departed

orange marigold, irresistibly beautiful...

Today I take the time to remember my loved ones who have already departed in this world. My maternal grandmother who helped my mother in taking care of me as an infant passed away before I grew up big enough to remember her face. Her husband, my maternal grandfather died after a few months of being bedridden. Sadly, he died calling the name of my dad(arguably his favourite son-in-law) and my uncle(my mother’s kid sister) while my mom was in the school one morning to enroll us in primary school. After his burial, he appeared to my mother in a dream probably to say farewell.

Then a couple of uncles, my mother’s kid brothers who has lived their lives to the brim, singing and drinking to their hearts content while smoking with or without occasions did not reach advanced ages although they were able to build their families. Mother’s youngest brother died due to a lingering illness while I was miles away for my college education leaving my small cousins and his widow behind. My other uncle quietly passed away after supposedly recovering from a stroke and accordingly his very recent hospitalization. I was then on my second month in the big city when this happened and I was unable to attend his funeral.

A karate and judo enthusiast with shoulders arguably like Arnold Schwarzenegger due to his body building activities was the first to go among seven brothers( well, in their adult life because they lost an infant brother due to a congenital illness in a brood of eleven where father was the eldest) and three sisters. It was difficult for his parents because that was too sudden making my grandmother grieved too much wishing that she should have went ahead. My father has to make a quick trip to see his family and find out what happened. He was strong and just recently got married leaving no son nor daughter, and not even a pregnant (only a grief stricken wife ) when death snatched him away. It was quite unforgettable for us because we were busy preparing for my youngest sister’s birthday when the sad news came. Dad stayed for the birthday celebration but has to leave quickly the next day to bury his own brother miles away from him. We were still toddlers the last time he visited our farm house and he went fishing and hunting and made lots of friends in our neighbourhood. And he loved to pamper us. Although we visit my grandparents’ house during summer, uncle’s visit to us was unforgettable

On my third year in college, I lost a close friend to an accident. We are very fond of each other and since he is smaller than me I would call him( as all other friends call him “the youngest brother.”). He was born and raised in Palawan, that time was just a name of a place to me. I have seen his advocacy on environment and wildlife preservation back then being extremely active in his environmental organization. He has fondly told me stories about Palawan until the time that I asked him to bring me a token from Palawan when we parted ways for the school break. He came back with a bangle which was according to him, made of indigenous materials and crafted by the natives. I was so touched and wore that bangle proudly in school and during performances. It looked ordinary yet special and I have to keep my “Cleopatra bangles”( that;’s how my naughty male classmates in Chemistry calls them) away over this unique and lovely bangle from my “ kid brother” to which he became very proud and happy seeing me wearing it and promised to bring me more on the next semester. He did not live long to be able to come back the next semester. When classes has started I was bothered why I still haven’t seen him so I went to his dormitory and asked his close friends how he had been. In turn, I heard the sad news that he met an accident one evening and was pronounced “dead on arrival” in the hospital where he was brought. Until now I still keep that unique bangle from him- I do not wear it anymore though, for it brings sadness but it is well-kept in a souviner box where tokens from friends and loved ones are kept. From time to time I open it, wear the bangle for a minute or two and smile remembering our happy talks about where the bangle came from. More than a year ago I happened to visit Palawan and my own eyes have seen the paradise that he has been telling about. I saw lots of bangles for sale like what he thoughtfully gave me one semester in college but I never bought one. I wanted to keep only one bangle of the same kind- the one from my “ kid brother” which to date, is pretty special to me.

After three months on my first job, a very close friend from my theatre circle also died due to a vehicular accident while on the way home from a happy reunion with her high school friends. Her death has taught me a lot of lessons about life’s realities-- never to procrastinate and other tidbits in life but most importantly, the liberating experience of “ saying goodbye”.

Few years after, another friend never woke up from her comatose stage months after undergoing surgery for her brain cancer. I visited her in the hospital few days before she succumbed due to infection and it took weeks before I have forgiven myself believing that for touching her hand, talking and lingering in the ICU where she was confined, I might have brought her some virus that could have infected her. It was her mother who gave me relief saying that- the moment she decided to have her brain surgery for a chance to live, she was ready to lose her. She has been very special to me because our name almost sounded the same. I was there until her cremation and I just hugged her mom because I did not know what words to say to comfort her.

I was on a travel as part of a research work where I was actively involved when the news about my paternal grandmother reached me. She has finally given up after a long battle with colon cancer, a disease that also caused the death of her two sisters. I always remember her zest of life being a dancer and a popular lass in her youth, her love of finer things in life and smoking despite her health condition. I have stressed smoking as extraordinary in this family because non of his seven grown up sons, including my dad and even my brothers and cousins did not smoke but she did it with gusto. Truly, she loved and lived her life to the fullest. What is very memourable about the two of us was when her children(my uncles and aunts) prohibited her to smoke, she got too irritable and I intervened by telling them that she will die anyway so why stop her to enjoy a little while alive by allowing her at least to smoke? Knowing how naughty I could be as the first granddaughter in the clan, they gave in to my point which delighted my grandmother too much. I was unable to bury my grandmother but I loved remembering her as a woman who loved life, and truly lived to the fullest when she was alive.

Three years ago, it was the turn of my paternal grandfather to go home in his father’s house in heaven. Being a farmer and a gardener in addition to his numerous church-related activities has probably contributed a lot to his longevity. The last time I was with him along with my sister and cousins, he was enjoying the “rides” in a theme park and he had the time of his life. He had also lots of stories to tell about his travels and the people he met and yes, his wish for a second chance to love again which his children frowned upon. As the only family member vocal in allowing him to remarry a woman half of his age few years after my grandmother passed away, I got the irk of my relatives which did not bother me anyway. Seeing an ally in me, he loved telling stories how he and the girl met, how he beautified her garden in Guam while they were neighbours as an expression of his love and how he was taken cared of in return by the lady. I never had the chance to meet such lady but when I remember the glimmer in his eyes while telling stories about her, I know that he was in love-again. Grandfather’s demise was exceptionally painful for me because I was studying overseas thus was unable to see him both in his sick and death bed, and was absent in his funeral. It was unforgettable because I have to deal with my own grief and loss away from my family which felt the same. Besides, I was unable to find out if his second love has made it to his funeral.

A year ago was the death of our foster grandfather. He has treated my father like his own son and his children referred to him as their eldest brother. Before his death, his family was considering to replace the pacemaker in his heart but being very sick already, he refused another surgery. He was in and out of the hospital and even went overseas for treatment. Considered as one of the richest men in his village, talks spread that not even his vast wealth was able to stop him from imminent death( I heard the talks myself but painfully kept quiet, as I was then with my seven year old kid nephew). A man who has spent most of his time serving God, he had full knowledge that when his time comes it will. What is very remarkable about his death was, before breathing his last, he told his wife, our Grandma about the funeral service that he himself planned twenty years earlier. In that program he prepared twenty years back, he has explicitly identified the parts, the people that would participate. He has diligently chosen the songs to be sung, the singers to sing a particular song and even the ministers to do the funeral rites in church to his grave. Probably, he has acknowledged long ago that for us humans- death is inevitable and yes, that is the ultimate destiny of man on earth regardless of their race, citizenship, economic and social status, and even biological age.

A couple of weeks earlier was another demise which majority of those he left behind referred to as “ untimely”. He was a driver but I opt to remember him as a good cook and has been like a brother to me because of my closeness to her beloved. I do not know how to comfort his beloved so I just let her cry on my shoulder and cry with her too.

Their death is a constant reminder for me to appreciate each morning given to me everyday as I wake up alive. Second, I have realized that death is not really “untimely” as we humans look at it with the life expectancy age in mind. Arguably, when one has to leave this earth regardless of how- it is surely his or her appointed time no matter the gravity of pain or shock or grief it would bring to those left behind. Third, their faces might not be vividly remembered yet their kind deeds and unforgettable acts will remain in the hearts of those that they touched. Fourth, the only sure thing in this world is that- humans will eventually leave it when their appointed time comes . Fifth, they cannot bring any treasure nor material wealth that they have amassed to grave, except of course the material things that those left behind opted to bury him with.

Finally, remembering those departed ones gives me the zest to go on living no matter what. It also inspires me to try my very best to do a kind deed and unforgettable act so that when my time( hopefully when I am old and gray) to leave this world comes, i will be remembered by those I will leave behind.